On being a rope-gun

I have to admit it - I LOVE leading. I feed off of it. It makes me so happy, adds that extra frisson of excitement, commitment, even danger... Although I am NOT a dangerous leader, perhaps even to a fault. I could be faster, and be a better leader. But that is indeed part of the great growing and learning cycle that is rock climbing. There is always room for improvement, but equally there is room for enjoyment and joy in pushing the limits.

As I've gotten more leading under my belt and started climbing with a couple of women who had not done as much, I've become the designated leader. Being put in that position has caused me to grow, perhaps even in a way I wouldn't have if I had always climbed with the same strong partners.

Last summer I got on Roofburner at Red Wing, on lead, without ever having been on the climb before. This is something I can't imagine I would have tried a year or two ago. And I don't think I would have dared had I not had the experience of needing to get on the sharp end. More recently I stepped up to the lead on The Daily Grind at Willow. Admittedly I only led half before I backed off, but it was a huge step for me. I worked for that confidence and it feels great to have it.

I've been doing a lot of climbing lately with a newer woman climbing partner, and I feel that part of my ropegun confidence and supportiveness is going to give her the confidence to do her first trad lead. For me, anyway, being a ropegun goes hand in hand with fostering ropegun-ship in others.

Spring is the best time ever

I am in love with spring. I am wallowing in it, delirious with it, soaking it up and spitting it out. I am savoring it like a fine wine, and guzzling it as if it was going out of style. We had an early spring and a lot of warmth which made it easy to shrug off the constraints of winter and revel in the lack of snow... but it may also be that I'm just more appreciative of spring as I get older. Lame thing to say, perhaps, but I do notice changes in the way I think about things, and in a lot of ways those changes are good. I feel wiser and better able to appreciate spring.

The colors have been spectacular as we phased through the crab apple and cherry blossom and into the lilac season. Most annuals and perennials are not quite producing yet, but things will change rapidly and constantly as we get into some more much needed warmth. I started a bunch of seeds (mostly flowers) and I can tell that they're just dying for a blast of heat to kick 'em into high gear.

I have had three delirious days on the rock since spring landed; three trips to Taylors Falls with four women... which brings me to another thing, another change that seems like a wise and wonderful thing - I have female climbing partners now like I never have before! It makes me so happy! Which is not to say that I don't love the male climbing partners I have, but I honestly spent the first ten years of my climbing "career" climbing mostly with men, and this change was something that I had gradually been wishing for. What is it - an evolution in my awareness of gender, or an evolution in my role as climbing partner... in any case, I love you, climbing women. You make me feel strong, supportive and very happy to be a climbing woman, too.

I've spent a lifetime being my own weird sort of individual without thinking too deeply about why. Why was I not very "girly"? Why did I want my hair short? Why did I dress in an androgynous fashion? I just knew how I wanted to be even if I didn't know what I wanted to be, or why. Now all these years later as a happily (deliriously happy) married woman with female climbing partners I still don't have all the answers, but I have accepted myself as a strange bird and I feel more in touch with being a woman on my own terms. Having female climbing friends - especially the strong, accomplished ones I've got - is part of the package.